fatmax

locally, the definition of youth starts from fifteen years-old and goes as far as forty years-old. it doesn’t make sense to me but thats how the definition sees the youth. internationally, according to the definition by United Nation,

“The United Nations, for statistical purposes, defines ‘youth’, as those persons between the ages of 15 and 24 years, without prejudice to other definitions by Member States.”

as the study continue aim to find the right approach to study the subject, it appears to me that the subject has somehow becoming alien to itself at the present date. as the identity defined by organization specifically explain who they are, somehow when asked, youth do not see themselves representing the rest as how the definition defined them. it appears that youth nowadays are becoming or turning into more like an individual unit that represent different definition of youth.

as i continue my observation, i continue to ask this question to myself: “do youth understand the meaning of being youth?”. “how relevant the definition of youth to the relativity of time?”. I may not get the answer now but i do hope that at the end of this study, i might be able to offer some explanation to myself about how youth define them self rather than how organisations define them.

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i wonder what will happen next? is this how some of us would react when they feel intimidated when the system is working against our will? or is the system too corrupted, it is now in a self-destructing mode whenever it tries to operate? i’m puzzled as well as having this big question mark over my not-so-shinning head.

i’m sure that many of us will try to speculate the incident in order to offer some explanation. it is not a rocket science anymore nowadays to think what will happen after such incident occurred. but will we be able to tell the whole story when the deceased is no longer speaking for himself. what will appear to be the truth in the later stage, i believe will remain questionable forever. and the sad part is that for we who continue to observe such nuisance will forever left in the mysterious and doubtful atmosphere.

i will continue to wonder whether are we going to go against the system that we build to serve us fairly and justly or is the system is too corrupted it will self destruct the moment it starts working according to the manual. we are yet to find out.

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2. while i never complain about work, i too, never said that i enjoyed work too much. the balancing point of all this is – to have what is necessary for the macro family, micro family and personal.

3. 2011 is about to arrive and i’m still counting what i have achieved in 2010 while at the same time listing down what i need to achieve further. the list never shrink nevertheless, it just cant stop growing.

4. maybe i need to re-organize all the important things again. but shall i do it alone? will the micro family agree to it and follow my decision? man, it is much easier when you are a bachelor. but then again, when you are a bachelor its all about fun isn’t? nobody bloody damn care what’s going to happen tomorrow.

5. as 2011 will meet us not long from today, i’m sitting on my chair in front of desk, trying to figure out what to expect for the coming year. and all i can think of is WORK!

6. this would be one my random rumble but then, i’m sure most of us out there have the same concern. thus, i’m taking this opportunity to remind myself and others that life is all about work and nothing more than work. it’s either for your own career or for your personal life.

7. henceforth, i’m wishing you guys happy working for the coming year and should there be any hesitation about what the coming year will be, take a short break and try to think. and then tell me what would be the first thing that appeared in your mind if it is not work.

adios, fatmax

But, now things are changing. Being a Malay seems to be a dirty word. Why i say so? Because,  i feel disturbed looking at the t-shirt add by The Malaysian Insiders which says “I am Malaysian first and Malay next. Does any bigot have a problem  with that?”. Man,  i really want to say more about this but, will i be labeled “a bigot” and furthermore being called “racist”. I don’t care lah. Let’s say something since this is my personal ground.

Again, i have no problem with people who wants to be seen as Chinese or Indian or Malay. But why a Malay like me can’t be seen or be acknowledged as a Malay? What’s wrong with that? What is the final message the t-shirt wants us to understand? Let’s dilute everyone and create a new race called “Malaysian”. Mate, at the end, it all goes back to square one. We “erased” one race for another race to emerge. Whether the new “race” will bring goodness to the nation, I’m preparing to give the new “race” the benefit of my doubt but not too much.

While most of us aspire for a better nation, if not for us but at least for our next generations, this should not allow us to take drastic moves and ignoring the consequences. Yes, for whatever moves that we might take, there will be consequences. But, will erasing the “Malay” from the Malays solve the problem? Why don’t we look into the root cause of the problem. Let’s be objective here.

I once argued with friends about this matter by asking a question “what do you expect to see from this country in the future?”. Simple and straight forward, majority of them said “a better nation”. I asked further, one by one, about their definition of “a better nation”. The conclusion from this simple question is that, not all shared the same definition but all believe in having a better nation. My take from this simple evaluation is that, we are all different in our means of achieving the common goal.

Thus, from a simple mind, my conclusion is that we are in a dire need to find a mechanism where all of us can achieved our common goal using only one mean. Yes, i agree that our present system is “old” but that doesn’t mean it is obsolete. As it was workable in the past, it should give us a good foundation for the future. But now, what i’ve been hearing more is that most of us are talking about replacing the “old” with a new one and disregard the goodness of the “old” system has given us. I’m neither historian nor blinded by history. Me too, want a better nation but again, my definition is different from some of us. Thus, it makes the process a bit more difficult and sometimes turned into an argument. Hey you know what, being an adult is never easy especially when we want to be a matured adult. Same goes with the nation.

Thus, I’m disagree with the t-shirt. Probably that is what I’m trying to say here. But it is not a baseless disagreement. As a media of information, The Malaysian Insider should be more “creative” in educating the masses. You know what i mean. We don’t live in an anarchy period and i hope and pray hard that we don’t have to face it at all. I’m all for the changes that are required in order to make our nation a better nation. But please, don’t kiddy me with a such a t-shirt. Period.

fatmax

So, its now 2010 and soon 2011 will be available for us to merry it. That makes 3 years of living in Malaysia.

But, as no matter how fast or how slow the time past me, I’m still wondering what has happen to my original country. Has the country changed for better or for worst? While everything seems fine to me, what I have found out so far is that the reality proves that most of the citizens are lying about their current living affairs. Superficially, they said the country is moving forward with tall buildings, advanced technology (most of it are from China by the way!), and having a better economy. Yet, when the lenses are being directed away from them, the truth prevails; dissatisfaction, disapproval, disappointment, resentment, displeasure, you name it.

I’m not saying that the whole population is being depressed but majority they are judging from what they say and have said. Majority of them think and also believe that the current system is failing them. Such believe has somehow turned them into a someone who sees the current system as an evil thing. To make it more difficult to handle, they soon realizes and start to believe that evil can only be fought with evil. The end result of it would be a disaster. It be the worst nightmare that all of us would not want to imagine. I’m not exaggerating nor simplifying what the reality is trying to present to us. What I’m trying present here is that, our current system is not capable to handle the crisis when the bubble burst.

We have seen and we have learned from the previous generations for their mistakes. We also sometimes criticize them for what they had committed. But I wonder too, and sometimes worry as well,  will we be able to handle the burst when time do not permit us to do much except regretting for not tackling the evil before it is too late.

fatmax

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Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

there are also times where i tried to pen down what i want to post using pen and paper. everything were well written and well kept. again blaming my bad habit, everything disappears unnoticed when i tried looking for them.

sometimes, i question myself ‘why do i write?’. to be frank, i have no clue until today. I’ve never been a good student at literature classes neither i’d skip one. But it all started when i was left alone on a foreign land looking for my own self. As i  learned from the mistakes that I’ve committed along the way thus, thats when i first picked up writing. I started slowly writing about what I’ve done in a day and what i should have done when i’m not doing anything in the same day. Sentence by sentences, word by word.

Now, it has been almost 6 years of writing i’ve done. Looking back, i still haven’t answered the question of ‘why do i write?’

One day in the year of the fox
Came a time remembered well
When the strong young man of the rising sun
Heard the tolling of the great black bell

One day in the year of the fox
When the bell began to ring
Meant the time had cometh
For one to go
To the temple of the king

There in the middle of the circle he stands
Searching, seeking
With just one touch of his trembling hand
The answer will be found

Daylight waits while the old man sings
Heaven help me
And then like the rush of a thousand wings
It shines upon the one
And the day had just begun

One day in the year of the fox
Came a time remembered well
When the strong young man of the rising sun
Heard the tolling of the great black bell

One day in the year of the fox
When the bell began to sing
It meant the time had come
For the one to go
To the temple of the king

There in the middle of the people
He stands
Seeing, feeling
With just a wave of a strong right hand
He’s gone
To the temple of the king

Far from the circle at the edge of the world
He’s hoping, wondering
Thinking back from the stories he’s heard
Of what he’s going to see

There in middle of the circle it lies
Heaven help me
Then all could see by the shine in his eyes
The answer had been found

Back with the people in the circle
He stands
Giving, feeling
With just one touch of a strong right hand
They know
Of the temple and the king

p/s: currently listening to this song. hoping to un-learn, learn and re-learn from the music. at most, i will only sing the song and repeat it numerous times. as time goes by, one day the lyric will make some sense to the ear of the listener…