sometimes we try our best to fulfill the dream of others, compromising our own dreams. we do so because we believe that when others are happy, we should also. Let it be  whether we like it or not, we pursue the dream of others than ours.

i believe too, that in order for us to achieve happiness, others around us need to be happy first. somehow, that’s not the question. to be happy has always remain the aim of a man, even a mad man knows how to differentiate between happy and sad, and which one will be his preferences. however, the means of achieving it, the happiness is more important. to be honest i’m clueless about this happiness issue.

i’ve tried, many times, to entertain people around me hoping that they will feel happy and later i will feel it too. but as time moves, people change as well as their happiness understanding. hence what i do today might not be relevant again tomorrow in order to make them happy. i still believe it is possible for me to achieve that happiness for as long as i do not sacrifice my self all the time. a wise man once told me “you need to learn how to love yourself first before you start loving some one else. If you fail to do so, you will not only destroy yourself but you will also destroy people around you”. i guess it’s true. but being raised as a person who was trained by a system, to ‘put forward others first than yourself’, i can see that i’m heading no where close to reach the real meaning of happiness.

sometimes its ok if you put yourself in a middle of a junction, rather than a straight, provided you know which junction to follow when you want to embark into a life journey. but it will be tough journey when you put yourself  in  a middle of a desert, not knowing your direction yet there are no junctions for you to follow. in the end, you will be walking in a circle, a really big circle where in the end of the day, you will regret yourself for making that first step. I’ve gone through this before yet i’ve to go through it again. whether this is to test my maturity in dealing with problems, i’m still puzzled. sometimes i question myself why do i embark into such journey where the uncertainties that lies ahead are so obvious. why dont i just settle everything for once and forever. i wish i could. but it seems like, so far, all i know is how to plan but i do not know how to execute my plan. i think i need to re-study my plan again.

what ever it is, as far as i know, i’m not giving up yet. i will continue with what i’ve executed and stick with what i’ve planned. i can only plan, but in the end, i believe only allah’s knows best what is good for me and what is bad for me.